The Power of Gratitude. Or: Three Ways To Ask For Less.
The lucky beans
“Once upon a time there was a farmer who put a handful of beans in his left trouser pocket every morning. Whenever he experienced something beautiful during the day, when something brought him joy, he felt a moment of happiness — something for which he was grateful — he took a bean from his left trouser pocket and put it in his right one.
In the beginning, this didn’t happen often. But day by day, there were more and more beans that went from the left pants pocket to the right. The smell of the fresh morning air, the song of the blackbird on the roof ridge, the laughter of his children, the nice conversation with a neighbor — always then a bean went from the left to the right side.
Before he went to bed in the evening, he looked at the beans in his right trouser pocket. With each bean he could remember a beautiful experience. Then he fell asleep contentedly and happily — even on the days when he found only a single bean in his right pants pocket.”
Author: Unknown
Gratitude is one of the most important building blocks of Positive Psychology. Actively feeling and expressing gratitude is essential for individual and social well-being. Whether expressed with words or non verbally, gratitude improves relationships with self and others, leading to greater success — at all levels.
In the following article, I will first discuss the relevance, impact and importance of gratitude. Then I will show why strengthening and focusing this feeling is so important. At the end, I want to encourage you to learn and apply gratitude with simple, but all the more effective interventions.
Three tools that you can start with, right here, right now — and that will open many doors for you in the future.
“Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”
(Quote by Melody Beattie)
To consciously and actively feel and share gratitude, with or without words, offers the possibility to counteract negative basic attitudes. And these negative attitudes, whether they are one’s own or those of others, are a hindrance to well-being and success.
Now, the focus on the negative in everyday life is not “bad” per se; rather, it is evolutionary: It is, so to speak, an inherent and learned protective mechanism that protects us from danger. The “negative” is like a red flag; a warning signal that makes us alert and cautious.
So it is not a question of discarding this protective mechanism by learning gratitude and thus abandoning our caution and security. Rather, when we succeed in feeling and expressing gratitude, we generally become more content in life. You also become more optimistic in the face of challenges — and not just cautious.
But there are other benefits: An easier sense of the positivity around us strengthens our ability to forgive. This makes it easier to bring the past to a close and strengthens the path to inner peace.
Here it becomes clear that when we consciously acknowledge what we can be grateful for, it affects our perception and shaping of the past, present and future. That’s something, isn’t it?
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
(Quote by Oprah Winfrey)
Indeed, I alluded to this earlier, but I’d like to emphasize it again: Learning and applying gratitude do not mean a denial of the negative. Rather, it is about actively addressing the preponderance of positive feelings. This increases well-being and resilience and reduces susceptibility to stress — in short, we feel better, we don’t throw in the towel so quickly, and we don’t get upset at every small incident.
The whole bunch of theory may become more vivid if you think of it as a cycle that is set in motion by verbally or non-verbally expressed gratitude:
We always tend to assume that those around us — especially those closest to us — know “anyway” that we are grateful. That our family, our friends and our closest work colleagues know what we appreciate about them and what they do for us.
It is a social custom, a matter of decency, to use “thank you” in an inflationary manner, especially when making new acquaintances and on formal occasions: in an exuberant, intentionally polite but sometimes almost exaggerated manner, we acknowledge every favor, no matter how small, with grand gestures and words.
But gratitude shouldn‘t just be a honeymoon effect. On the contrary: even and perhaps especially the people we have not just met, we should consciously and regularly let them know that we do not take them for granted.
A sincere “thank you” works — not only with the boss from whom we hope to get a raise, but also with the best friend who hasn’t let up on getting together with me even though I’ve been standing him up all the time lately.
It’s much easier to focus on what we don’t have or can’t do (yet). But if we can manage to express to others, as well as ourselves, how much we appreciate what we (already) have or can do, we will actually feel that way more often.
Now you may be thinking to yourself, “Okay, all well and good up to this point, but that gratitude can be seriously learned… I hardly think so.” Caught? Then let me convince you.
“Don’t be afraid of what hasn’t happened yet, learn to love what is.”
(Quote by Claire Wineland)
We can sharpen our sense of gratitude. And to do so, we start with a simple — or maybe not so simple — question:
“What makes my everyday life worth living? What little joys come to mind?”
Take a sheet of paper, don’t think too long and scribble away. Don’t put the pen down, let your thoughts run free, from your lungs to your tongue to the paper. Well, have you captured a few ideas?
Now you already have a possible basis for the three interventions that I would like to share with you now: the gratitude mind map, the gratitude diary and the gratitude letter.
The Gratitude Mindmap: Again, grab a piece of paper and start by dividing it into different areas of your life — friends, family, work and health, for example. Now, as honestly and simply as possible, what are you grateful for in all of these areas? Remember not to leave out “negative” things either — criticism and conflict can also be aspects that we appreciate in one way or another.
The Gratitude Diary: Take time once a week to look back on that week. What people, moments, and perhaps things have brought you joy? Who or what are you grateful for this week?
The Gratitude Letter: What person has added value to your life so far? It doesn’t have to be anything huge, sometimes the seemingly smallest gestures have the biggest impact. In all likelihood, you’ve already thought of someone after the second sentence at the latest, right? Then grab a piece of paper and write down on one page what you are grateful for. Describe the situations or things as accurately and vividly as possible — as tangibly as you can. Then comes the next step, which may require some courage, but which will ultimately have an incredibly great effect on this person and yourself: Invite the person over and read the letter to them. Of course, you are revealing vulnerability and it may be quite an unfamiliar situation — but the effect will be there, that’s for sure.
These three interventions help to first find gratitude within ourselves by searching for it and holding what we find in one way or another. Then, with that in mind, stepping outward; expressing gratitude, gets our cycle going — and our well-being to a new level.
So let this sink for a moment and then consider what option sounds most convincing and tangible for you to start with – and maybe, just for a moment, start by thanking yourself for having read, considered and processed all of this.
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
Epicurus
